Read The Half Blood Luna by The Black Daisy
Chapter 34
Ella’s POV:
My mind was still stuck in that confrontation I had with the alpha, while waiting for my instructor to arrive. What the hell was I thinking to speak to him that way? Never have I imagined saying those things to him like that. Especially the last part. He did not deserve that last part. He wasn’t worse than alpha Grey. Not yet. I contemplated going to him and apologizing for the way I spoke. I was so out of line. I was still surprised that he just let me go without any sort of discipline.
I made up my mind. As much as I wanted to never see him again, I needed to apologize. Otherwise, I will keep eating myself up every time I think about him. As soon as my practice is over, I will go to his office, and if I didn’t find him, I will go to his room. I wanted this over with tonight or I will never be able to sleep from the guilt I felt.
Suddenly, the door opens, pulling me out of my deep thoughts about the alpha. I was standing in the middle of the room when the door opened.
When I saw my instructor, I felt like a bucket of ice-cold water got dumped over my head. I was paralyzed by the sudden terror that was starting to consume every cell in my body.
A muscular huge body, grey eyes, grey hair pulled into a ponytail, in his late forties. He was almost the spitting image of my old alpha, with slight differences. But the similarities were too huge to ignore.
As he kept approaching me; unaware of the terror I was feeling towards him, I felt the start of a panic attack starting to build inside me. This was just too much to handle. Too much to get over and be brave about.
I shook my head at him trying to speak but my voice was barely a whisper “don’t…”
He kept approaching, and I felt my lungs shutting down. They decided to stop working, to cut off my breathing when I needed them the most.
You have to move. I kept telling myself. You have to get out of here or you will never be able to breath.
“Don’t come any closer, stay away from me” I said shakily
I saw surprise and confusion flicker on his face, as I ran as fast as my shaky legs could and got out of that room.
As soon as I turned towards the corridor, I saw alpha Klaus standing near one of the other training rooms. He looked at me in concern. I have no idea why the hell I did what I did next, as I ran over to him and hid behind him. I was gripping the back of his shirt tightly and I felt a trickle of safety seeping into me.
The tiny little part of me that was not paralyzed by terror, was wondering why the hell I felt safe hiding behind him.
I saw the instructor appear out of the training room looking for me. As my eyes met his, I felt my lungs bailing on me once again.
“P… ple… please don’t let him come near me. Make him go… away… I can’t…. Breath,” I said so low, so out of breath, I have no idea if the alpha understood a word, I just said to him.
“Maxwell, Ella is not feeling so well. Practice is over, you can leave,” he ordered him curtly.
Maxwell immediately turned around and left us alone.
I let go of his shirt as I collapsed on the floor on my hands and knees struggling for air so badly. He knelt beside me and said calmly “He is gone Ella. You are safe. There is nothing to be afraid of. Your fear is not real, don’t let it consume you. Take over. Now. Breath, you can do it, I know you can. Just breath.”
Not real? It felt pretty f*uc*king real to me. It wasn’t working, I was gasping for air desperately.
“Focus on my face, focus on my voice. Look at me” he ordered gently.
I looked up at him. There was deep worry itched on his face.
“That’s it. Keep looking at me, do what I’m doing exactly. Take a deep breath from your nose, and then exhale slowly from your mouth just like me,” I started copying him, my eyes never leaving his.
After a few minutes, I felt myself beginning to relax. I was still shaking badly, but at least I was breathing again.
I was still looking at his eyes. Now that my breathing was becoming stead*ier, his hazel eyes were the reason, I realized. They made me feel calm as I continued to look into them. I never felt that way before whenever I looked at him, probably because I was too blinded by fear and hate.
It was becoming a little awkward, so I tore my eyes away from him and looked down to the floor, that’s when I saw how bruised his knuckles were. It looked like he punched the sh*t out of something.
He saw me looking at his hands and tried to distract me by asking tenderly “How are you feeling?”
I looked up at him, surprised that he was being so supportive to my situation.
“I feel better. I think I would have passed out by now if you weren’t here when I left the room” I said shyly. It felt so weird to thank him for helping me when, an hour ago we were almost ripping each other’s heads off. But he did just save my life. “Thank you for helping me…alpha.”
He seemed as surprised as I was by the thank you. He felt the same thing I did. And I couldn’t help the hysterical laugh that escaped from me. A few seconds later, he joined me. We sat with our backs against the wall, in the middle of the corridor and laughed. His laughter was deep and very nice.
I froze mid laugh, as I realized something. It was the first time I laughed in a very long time I can’t even remember. And the fact that my first laugh happened because of alpha Klaus made the realization so shocking. Never in my wildest imagination did I believe that would happen.
“What are you thinking about? If you don’t mind telling me of course” he asked quietly when he noticed that I stopped laughing abruptly.
I looked at him and saw him staring at me curiously “I just realized that I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this. It’s just so weird that it happened to be with you considering…”
“Considering we were at each other’s throats about an hour ago, right?” he asked with half a smile.
I laughed under my breath. He was thinking the same thing.
I noticed his bleeding knuckles again, and all the humor was gone from me. How much can a person get so pissed off that they almost break their hands punching something over and over again? It was all because of me.
“I’m sorry” I said sadly.
He looked at me in confusion and surprise.
“I’m so sorry for what I said to you at Joseph’s office. I should never have spoken to you that way. Comparing you to alpha Grey was wrong. You’re not worse than him. I just wanted to hurt you back for what you did to me, I couldn’t…” control myself. That’s what I was about to say when I realized it sounded similar to what he told me when he was trying to tell me that he wasn’t himself when he mistreated me at my old pack.
“I get it now. I couldn’t control what I said to you because I was too mad. You were trying to tell me the same thing but I didn’t want to believe you. You were right, when someone looses control of his emotions, they can’t always control their actions”
He looked at me for a long time before saying anything. I kept looking back at him trying to read his emotions.
“I’m sorry too. Apologizing should have been the very first thing to come out of my mouth, but I didn’t think it would have done anything to erase what I did to you from your mind. I wanted to apologize through my actions, not words. I wanted to make it up to you and make you feel safe here, I wanted you to go back to school and live the way you deserve to live. I wanted to help you feel stronger and be able to defend yourself if you ever felt in danger again by helping you train. It was never my intention to hurt you on purpose. I can’t deny that training is brutal and you might get bruises at first if you don’t know how to take a hit or a fall properly, but it was never to hurt you, but to make you stronger. Even when you asked that I leave you alone and stay out of each other’s way, as long as it makes you safe I will keep my distance. I would never try to hurt you again Ella. I give you my word and I hope this time you really believe how sincere I am” he said kindly.
I was shocked that he actually apologized. I used to think he is incapable of it, being an alpha and all.
Now that I was in his place, deeply regretting my words to him and the way I spoke to him, no longer ruled by anger and the need to hurt, I felt his honesty and sincerity deeply.
“I believe you alpha,” I said in a small voice.
He seemed genuinely happy with my answer as he smiled broadly at me.
We sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Each of us deep in their own thoughts.
“So, I need to ask… about Maxwell. Did he…” he was asking hesitantly.
“He didn’t do anything. It’s not what he did, it was that he…. Looked so much like…” I couldn’t bring myself to admit it, I don’t know why.
“I get it. I could see some similarities yes. But Ella, Maxwell is an entirely different person. Don’t let looks fool you. You need to see past them. He is a great and kind person, I’ve known him since I was a little boy. He taught me everything I know” he said gently.
I shook my head “Seeing him was just too much for me. I might see past his look eventually, but not now. I am not ready yet”
“What about training then?”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to ask Joseph for a different instructor, a female this time, because I don’t think I can handle seeing another man” I said shyly. I was embarra*s*sed to speak about my weakness in front of him.
He picked up on my embarra*s*sment and said “You have nothing to be embarra*s*sed about. You’ve been through something tremendously difficult, and you were able to come out of it, you didn’t let it K*ll you or break you. It left you with some obstacles, but I’m sure you’ll be able to overcome them in time” he said rea*s*suringly.
“I really hope so,” I said confidently.
My eyes fell on his bleeding hands again, and something tugged at my heart “shouldn’t you disinfect your hands alpha? They look pretty nasty” I said warily.
“No they should be fine in an hour. Don’t worry about them Ella” he said soothingly.
I nodded my head. I don’t know why I felt like I wanted to keep talking to him for hours. He was so easy to talk to now, compared to an hour ago when he kept pressing on my nerves and rudely interrupting me every time I opened my mouth.
I looked at him and saw him distracted.
“One of the patrol guards just mind linked me. There is some sort of problem at the border I need to see for myself. Do you want me to walk you to your room?” he asked gently.
“No it’s okay. I am better now, thank you” I said with a small smile.
We got up and stared at each other awkwardly.
I felt like he wanted to say something but was conflicted about it.
Finally he broke eye contact and waved at me before turning to leave in the other direction.
I stood there for a couple of minutes trying to wrap my head around everything that happened in the last two hours.
Who would’ve thought that the guy who was pinning me against the wall so pissed off at me an hour ago, saved my life thirty minutes ago and was so kind and gentle with me. We even ended up apologizing to each other.
I wondered as I headed to my room whether I’ll be seeing him again, or we’ll be back to avoiding each other.
If I did see him again, which alpha will I see? The cruel one? Or the kind one?