Fated To the Alpha by Jessica Hall
Chapter 167
My hands go to his chest making my palms tingle and an overwhelming need to get closer to him rushes over me. I am not sure if it is my emotions and needs or his when I feel his excitement against the inside of my leg making me pull away and break the k!ss.
I go to get off his lap but he holds me there and my heart rate picks up, fear starting to seep into me.
“It’s just my reaction to you being this close Sage, we have talked about this so many times, it doesn’t mean anything more will happen” Andrei tells me.
“Please don’t back out Sage” Sierra whimpers in my head.
“Sage?” Andrei says, pulling my attention back to him. I relax letting out breath and I feel guilt smash into me from him. I hated feeling his guilt every time I freaked out. He didn’t do this to me, he didn’t ruin me.
I shake my head, pressing my l!ps to his forcing the fear away and focusing on his feelings instead and ignoring my own. Andrei gr0ans, clutching me to him before pulling away, his l!ps travelling down my jaw and neck.
Ar0usal floods me from him, the feeling so foreign to me it took me a few seconds to figure out why between my legs was pulsating with a need that scared me. He svcks the skin on my neck before running his tongue across the same spot. A breathy m0an escapes me and I jump when I feel his canines press against my skin.
He goes to pull away but I run my fingers through his hair knowing if he doesn’t I will chicken out and it will never happen.
“ Sage, do you want this? You are really tense” he says, k!ssing my neck.
“Just do it please Andrei before I back out” I murmur waiting for the pain, my heart hammering in my chest so hard I knew he could hear it.
“I can smell your fear, Sage” Andrei says before moving and turning around. He pressed me against the bed and moved between my legs pressing his weight down on me.
“Nothing more Sage, just like training, you can tell me to stop, and I will stop. But I won’t mark you while you are petrified of me. I won’t mark you just because your wolf and I want to and you feel obligated to, so if you don’t want me to, tell me stop and I will” he says looking down at me.
My breathing was becoming heavier, tears blurring my vision as panic started to set in along with anger. I was angry because I was so fvcked up, a fvcking disappointment and useless to the one person I am meant to be for.
“Shh Sage breathe, what do you want?” Andrei asks and I snap at him, my anger at myself bubbling over and leaving my l!ps.
“To be fvcking normal, I want to be normal and not used goods. I don’t want to be scared to want you, I don’t want to fear you but I will never be normal and you deserve better than some broken toy everyone has used up” My words spit out in an angry rush.
I swallow my anger receding and I let out a breath, shame hitting me, yet Andrei doesn’t say anything a t my sudden outburst, just presses his head against my collarbone, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I try to catch my breath..
Why was shame one of the most horrid things to live with. You know in your head that what happened was wrong and mentally in a sense you know it wasn’t your fault, but why do I feel ashamed? Why am I the one that feels dirty, disgusted and why after everything and being free of them does it still have to haunt me.
I am free now yet that nagging voice still says not for long, even though I know they’re dead, know they can’t touch me yet they still control my body, control my fear, control me.
“You fear pain because that’s all you know Sage, you fear not being good enough because that’s how you see yourself, don’t think for one second I see you that way.” Andrei sighs.
“ If anything it’s the opposite. I have K*lled so many people, yet the Moon Goddess gave me you, trusted me with you, I am the one not deserving of you. I am not a good man, I know that, you know that, my entire pack knows that, so don’t ever say I deserve better than you, because I never should have been blessed with you, not after everything I have done, so don’t tell me you aren’t good enough because you are so much more than I deserve” Andrei says.
My brows pinch feeling the truth behind his words, he truly believed he didn’t deserve me and I chuckle. Here I was thinking I wasn’t good enough and he would be repulsed by me while he felt the same, two people impossibly messed up and the Moon Goddess put us both together. Weren’t our souls t*ortur*ed enough, yet now she makes sure we t*ortur*e each other more.
“Care to share what’s so funny?” Andrei laughs, pulling away and looking down at me.
“Nothing, I was just thinking how impossible it all is”
“We don’t have to do it now, I can mark you when you aren’t so scared” Andrei says.
“I will always be scared Andrei whenever you’re close, you just need to ignore me and do it” I tell him, turning my neck to him. I close my eyes waiting for him to mark me when I feel his l!ps press to my neck softly.
“Or I could show you, you don’t need to be” Andrei whispers, his l!ps trailing up my neck to my jaw.
“Tell me to stop Sage, tell me to stop and I will,” he says, k!ssing my l!ps softly.
I answer his k!ss, k!ssing him back, his hand trailing down my side before pushing under the shirt. My heart is pounding in my chest and goosebumps rise on my skin as his hot hand moves higher, pushing my shirt up with the movement before he palms my br*east. I gasp, pulling away when I feel his thumb brush over my n!pple. My body responded to his touch even though fear pulsated through every cell in my body.
Andrei pulls away sitting up on his knees between my legs as I watch him. Sierra shoving calming
memories into my head, showing me all the reasons I could trust him. I watch as he grips the hem of my shirt before tugging on it wanting me to take it off. I hesitate a second before sitting up and letting him peel it off leaving me [email protected] beneath him.
“Do you trust me?” He asks, I gulp before nodding as he lowers himself back over me.
“Then trust me to touch you, trust that I will stop if you ask me to” Andrei whispers before k!ssing my shoulder.
His hands are roaming and exploring my body. His fingers teasing my n!pple until it is a hardened peak. His l!ps follow his hand as he nips and svcks my skin before he svcks my n!pple in his mouth. His tongue flicks over it before he moves to the other, hesitating and gauging my reaction.
I run my fingers through his hair and he growls before svcking the other one and sparks rush over m y skin, his emotions calm against my frantic ones but I focus on his, focus on the feeling of his tongue on my skin instead of what he is doing. Sparks rush moving everywhere he touches and a m0an escapes me when I feel his hand move to my h!p making me tense.
Andrei pulls back, k!ssing my l!ps. His tongue delving between my l!ps softly and I pull him closer as his hand trails up and down my th!gh before moving to the inside of my leg.
He moves so he is beside me leaning over me. I feel his hand pull my leg up draping it over his and I still, going completely immobile when I feel his hand reach the apex of my legs sitting on my th!gh, yet not touching my forbidden area. The place I fear his touch most.
“ It’s just me Sage,” Andrei whispers against my l!ps before I feel his hand move away.
“Give me your hand?” he murmurs, making me open my eyes to stare at him. When I don’t he reaches over grabbing my hand gently before k!ssing my fingers. I watch him when he suddenly svcks on three of my fingers, his tongue swirling around them before he pulls them from his mouth.
He leans over k!ssing me before I feel his hand guide mine between my legs, his hand moving over mine when he presses it between my legs.
His hand on mine controls the movements as he runs my own fingers through my folds and I gasp when he rubs my fingers against my cl!t. His movements slow as he manipulates my hand to do what he wants, rubbing my cl!t in circular motions and a shudder runs through me and I relax.
He was careful not to touch me, only using my hand as I felt my stomach swirling with nerves and anticipation as my stomach tightened at the friction he was building. The sensation scared me and thrilled me, making me m0an softly. Andrei swallows my m0ans, k!ssing me when I pull my hand away, making Andrei stop.
My hand trembles as I move it over his before pushing his between my legs. Sparks rush over my skin, the feeling almost too much and Andrei k!sses me hard, my l!ps bruising as his hand moves taking the place of mine.
I move my hand to hair, running my fingers through it and pulling him closer when I feel his finger run down the seam of my l!ps and I am shocked by the moisture building between my th!ghs.
I moved my h!ps against his hand, wanting to find out where the feeling ended. It felt like it was building up and I wanted to find the peak of it.
Andrei k!sses me, his mouth moving down before he svcks my n!pple in his mouth, making my back arch as I become lost to sensations he was creating. Andrei lifts himself up, pushing between my legs and settling between them, his l!ps moving lower and I feel his tongue dip inside my belly b*tton making me freeze wondering what the hell he was doing. I sit up when he k!sses my h!p and th!gh.
“Andrei?” I ask him when he moves his face between my legs giving him a full view of my scars and burns, how destroyed my body is. Everything they did he now had a close-up view of and I clench my eyes shut trying to f0rce the memories away.
“Open your eyes Sage, eyes on me, stay here with me” Andrei says and I feel him k!ss the inside of my th!gh. My breath lodges in my throat as I watch him, my face heating seeing where he is when he runs his hands up my th!ghs pulling them further apart, his l!ps trailing down my th!gh before he k!sses my womanhood.
I could feel his breath on my c0re as I waited to see what he would do when his grip on my th!ghs tightens and his tongue runs a straight line from my @ssto my cl!t. Sparks rushing everywhere, his tongue swirling around my cl!t before he svcks it in his mouth and my head falls back.
“Oh god” I breathe as his mouth devours me, I feel him chuckle at my reaction to him before svcking harder. His tongue tastes every inch of me and my arms give out underneath me as I collapse on the bed.
My legs shake in his strong grip as ple@sure builds, his tongue relentless and I was climbing that peak again, climbing it faster and I moved my h!ps against his mouth, writhing at the feeling he was giving me.
My breathing becomes laboured and my skin heats up, my n!pples turning rock hard when I find the edge of the peak. His tongue sending me over the edge and I fall into bliss.
My c0re pulsates and I cry out as my body convulses in e*cstasy as it ripples through me in waves. The sensation was too much leaving me breathless as I sag back onto the bed from the release. My entire body tingles and I felt paralyzed in a good way, my entire body relaxed.
Andrei moves up my body gripping my chin and plunging his tongue into my mouth. I m0an softly tasting myself on his tongue before he pulls back pecking my l!ps softly and I felt like dead weight as I lifted my hands to his chest, running them down his sides when he rolls pulling me on top of him.
I could feel his er*ction pressing against me but he sits up leaning against the headboard with me straddling his lap.
His hands trail up my sides gently and I shiver at his touch, he smiles at my reaction. I could feel his excitement through the bond but he didn’t ask for anything more and I could feel he was content with just laying here.
I lean forward and k!ss him softly, his hand going into my hair as he deepens the k!ss and he growls softly making me chuckle and pull away, his hands move to my th!ghs as he rubs them watching me.
I pull my hair over my shoulder and I swallow my mouth feeling dry. “ I can wait Sage,” He tells me, his eyes trained on my neck where his mark should lay.
“I don’t want you to” I tell him, lifting his hand to my neck. He runs his fingers tips along my shoulder before cupping the back of my neck.
Longing fills me and I lean closer, k!ssing his l!ps softly before pulling away.
“I want you to mark me, Andrei. I want to be yours”
“I can’t take it back once it’s done” He says with a smile tugging at the corners of his l!ps.
“Good because I only want to belong to you” I tell him and his eyes flicker before he pulls me closer. I bare my neck to him, my hands going to his shoulders before I run them down his chest. He presses his face into my neck, inhaling my scent.
A purr rumbling from his chest and he k!sses my neck before running his tongue over it making me m0an and rub myself against him.
His canines press to my skin and he pauses running them over his marking spot and I press closer to him, his grip tightening on me when I run my fingers through his hair before I feel his teeth puncture my flesh.
Hot pain radiating from his bite as his canines slipped into my neck. His emotions smashing into me as I feel the bond forge, my senses being set on fire as ple@sure replaces the pain and I feel the bond snap in place, feel a pull ripping me toward him, promising me he is all I will ever want and need, telling me I am home and he is my safe place, that he is mine and I am his.
He pulls his teeth from neck, running his tongue over my mark and I feel exhaustion creeping in when I feel something warm and w*et drip onto my shoulder and I pull back. Andrei’s shoulders sag as he takes a shuddering breath and I pull his face up to look at me to find tears rolling down my face.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him.
“Nothing, I can just feel you and I wasn’t expecting you to feel like that,” he says, leaning his head back against the headboard and closing his eyes.
“Like what?” I ask him.
“Like you truly want me, that you like that I am your mate” He breathes.
“You’re wrong” I tell him and he smiles, his eyes cracking open to look at me.
“Don’t feel like I am wrong, I can feel everything you feel now so I can’t be wrong, deny it all you want” he says.
“But you are wrong, I don’t like you Andrei.. I love you… I love being your mate…. I love that you are mine… just as much as I know I will love being yours” I tell him when his l!ps crash against mine.
I chuckle at him letting him push me back on the bed. I laugh around his l!ps devouring mine before he pulls back brushing his nose on mine before hopping off me.
He tugs the blanket over us pulling me flush against his chest, his fingers entwined with mine as he pulls me closer. “I love you more” he whispers and I shake my head but say nothing, instead relaxing against him, loving the warmth of his skin pressed against mine, loving the safety I feel within his arms.