Chapter 98
‘Three hundred and one… three hundred and two… three hundred and three… three hundred and four….
I crept my fingers like legs along the wooden panel as I sat curled up on the seat of the windowsill nook. In my head, I would count the steps I made until my hand couldn’t reach any further… then I’d repeat. How many steps could I count until I was eighteen?
Everything felt like it blended together, almost as if two timelines were now indistinguishable. It must have been at least a month or two since they dragged me in here kicking and screaming. I had tried to run the minute I saw where they were taking me, a reaction that surprised even myself. But this place held worse memories for me than even the trial grounds where I’d died.
“No, not here,” I had said adamantly as they tried to force me to go inside. “Anywhere but here.”
“This is where you’ve been instructed to live, Ma’am. It’s not up for discussion.”
I was addressed as ‘Ma’am’ or ‘Miss’ now. No longer a Beta heir, not yet a Luna, but everyone too nervous to call me Saintess in light of the events of that day.
“Tell Leo that if he wants something of me marked so badly, then he can mark my words,” I’d spat back at them when things had escalated to a point beyond reason. Their hands had grabbed at me around my waist as I had tried to wriggle
free. “Tell him that as soon as I’m free, I’m coming for him. Tell him that he can go fuck-!”
I shook off the memory, focusing back on my counting instead. They ended up having to lock me inside for the first few days until I stopped pounding at the door. Then, once the first week had gone by, time started to blend together. Now they couldn’t get me to leave.
Some days I wondered if I was even brought back to life or whether the events up until now were all a fever dream I’d concocted after failing to escape with Zoey. Everything looked the same, felt the same, smelt the same… the only difference was within the people who visited… and this collar around my neck.
“Winona,” a familiar voice echoed, like a distant memory.
In the past, I used to go into the garden; it was somewhere I’d go when I needed a break from it all. I would go running in the woods and let my wolf explore before we’d inevitably have to drag ourselves back to reality. I didn’t have a wolf yet though and it wasn’t like this collar would have made that of any benefit anyway. But more so than that, I just didn’t like the idea of people seeing me like this. The less that knew, the better.
“Winona.”
Even the books here were ones I’d already read repeatedly. -There were only so many times I could read about the ‘100 Greatest Battles of Wolf Kind’ or ‘The Twenty Steps of a Successful Luna’ before beginning to hate even the thought of picking a book up. But even if I asked someone to go to the library for me, it was unlikely there would be many books in
there that I hadn’t already read at least once.
‘Three hundred and eighty-four… three hundred and eighty- five… three hundred and eighty-six….
“Winona!” the voice cut through, forcing me to realise it wasn’t just in my head.
I looked up startled, blinking several times as I refocused.
It was Benjamin. How long had he been here?
“Oh… hello,” I said, my voice sounding distant. “I didn’t hear you arrive. Have you been here long?”
I rigidly stood up, inclining my head in a bow of respect per standard protocol for higher ranks. After all, I wasn’t a Beta heir anymore.
“…About five minutes,” he said slowly, frowning at the formality. I had the feeling that perhaps it made him uncomfortable but I continued to do it regardless.
“Apologies for not realising… I was just lost in thought.”
He stared as if studying my movements. Most likely, he could tell my behaviour was more forced than genuine. “…It’s fine.”
“Did Zoey offer you any tea yet?” I asked, walking past him towards the kitchen.
I could recall that there were at least two sections in ‘The Twenty Steps of a Successful Luna’ that specified that, not only should I be presentable at all times, but that I should also ensure an Alpha was made to feel comfortable and at ease. I was pretty confident that the author of that book and my old Luna studies teacher, Mrs Stewart, would have a fit if they
saw me like this now. Though I wondered what they would say given my circumstances. Surely my situation negated several areas of required etiquette.
“…Zoey?”
I stopped in my tracks and cursed internally. “Ah… I mean… I mean Lily. Apologies.”
I rubbed at my head. Timelines.
Benjamin followed closely behind as I walked us into the other room to start making some tea.
“Winona… are you okay?” he said, as if he’d been holding off from asking for a while. “Every time I visit, it feels like you’re slipping into a different world sometimes.”
More like a different time, if we were being completely
accurate.
“I’m fine,” I replied flatly, handing him a cup. “You saw me only yesterday. It’s not like anything has changed.”
“…I’ve been gone for a week, remember?” he prompted. “I had that meeting out of town and I said I wouldn’t be back for a while? I just got home this morning.”
“Right… I remember,” I lied, brushing it off. “How did the meeting go? Was it… pleasant?”
“It was boring. Just like all the meetings. They can’t agree on how best to handle an influx of refugees stemming from a defeated pack up north. No one wants to waste resources screening for rogues.”
“I see. I’m sorry to hear that.”
He raised a brow at me. “I don’t suppose you have any suggestions?”
I could feel as my back stiffened, my eyes narrowing ever so slightly. So it was beginning already? Trapped in this place, oppressed by the very hierarchy I was told to serve. This
position demanded that I be used as a tool, yet stripped me of every freedom I had.
“…No.”
In actuality, I had several suggestions. None of which I felt like sharing.
“That’s a shame,” he said, sipping at his tea. “Then there is the issue of petty disputes. There’s a pack fighting over a boundary line since the original territory documents that were drawn up have been misplaced. They’ve requested our involvement to mediate the process.”
“Sounds like you’re going to be busy.”
“Okay, then… two pack members are requesting permission to build a new business in town but it conflicts with a similar business’ interests.”
Now I knew he was grasping at straws. Anyone with half a brain could assist with that one. Each issue he’d listed was easier than the last to resolve.
“…What are you doing?”
“What are *you* doing?” he asked sharply, his tone annoyed.
I stared back stoically. “I’m not sure what you’re referring to.”
“This. Whatever *this* is,” he said, waving a hand towards me.
“I apologise that I’m not able to assist you with these issues,” I frowned. “I guess that’s why they leave all pack leadership to the men around here.”
There was no mistaking the undertone of distaste behind my words. He would pick up immediately on what I was implying.
“That’s not…. What? That’s not what I meant,” he said, his jaw clenched. “I’m talking about how it feels as though I’m talking to a wall, like you’re a shell not really here.”
I stared at him and could feel the emotion behind what he was saying. But I felt… empty.
“…I don’t know what you want from me,” I finally whispered, looking back down at the cup in my hands.
