Read The Half Blood Luna by The Black Daisy
Chapter 42
Klaus’s POV:
She was totally shocked by my appearance in her room. It also wasn’t helping that I was basically glaring at her.
I tried to soften my features a little as I said, “Joseph told me you’re not coming to the ceremony, but judging from what I just saw, I guess you changed your mind.”
She shook her head and said in a determined tone, “No I am not going to it. Jake just wanted to teach me how to dance.”
“Why?” I asked in confusion.
“Why what?” she asked back.
She wasn’t sure if I was asking her why she wasn’t going or why Jake was giving her dancing lessons when he was supposed to be tutoring her. I found myself asking her the latter while I should have asked her the former.
“Why was he teaching you how to dance if you’re not going?”
She smiled mysteriously as she said, “I don’t know, he came up with the idea, I guess he was bored or something.”
Her mysterious smile indicated that she knew exactly why he was giving her lessons, and it only added to my jealousy. He wanted to spend more time with her, that’s why. And the frustrating part was, she knew it and had no problem with it. Was she having feelings for Jake? Why else would she agree to be touched like that by him?
Jeez Klaus! Snap out of it. If she likes him good for her. He was a good person. Not a player or a cheater. I had so much more pressing matters than to focus on her love life.
I composed myself and said to her, “Joseph told me that you are not coming to the ceremony because we have a deal to stay out of each other’s way. I am here to tell you that today is an exception. If I have to be there, everyone in my pack must be there and that includes you.”
She stared at me for a while, thinking about something deeply, before she said, “Ok. If it doesn’t bother you, then I will come.”
“Why would it bother me?”
She rolled her eyes and said in a tensed voice, “Because every time we end up in the same place you either push me away and treat me like crap, or you try to save my life and be so nice to me. I just never know how to act around you. Being mad at you pissed you off, and being nice to you pissed you off too. So, I decided to sever all possibilities of running into each other, even in a ceremony that will have hundreds of people. Because no matter how I act, you always end up mad at me.”
Wow, she was holding a lot of anger and frustration inside of her.
I couldn’t fault one thing she said to me. It was true. I always ended up being an a*s*shole to her, and to add to her confusion, I was only gentle with her that one time when I helped her with her panic attack and apologized to her. And when she tried to do the same for me, I practically threatened her. She never knows how I am going to react in front her. Even now, when I stood in her room, I appeared to be angry with her. Little did she know that the anger she saw was actually to cover up my jealousy.
“I’m sorry,” I said sincerely.
What was it about her that made me willing to always apologize to her even though I never apologized to anyone before? Well, I never wronged anyone the way I always wronged her, that’s what.
I carried on in the same tone, “I know you are sick of hearing the same thing from me, but it’s what really happened. The last time we saw each other, I was in a very dark place, I can’t really explain why, but I wasn’t in complete control of my emotions. I would have lashed out at anyone at that moment, it wasn’t directed at you specifically.”
“Did you lash out at Joseph after I mind linked him to come to you? I don’t think so. I think you’re anger was really directed at me. And I know why. I understand why I was the last person you wanted to see at that moment. I made a mistake by interfering, I should have just gotten Joseph from the beginning.”
“Did you lash out at Joseph after I mind linked him to come to you? I don’t think so. I think you’re anger was really directed at me. And I know why. I understand why I was the last person you wanted to see at that moment. I made a mistake by interfering, I should have just gotten Joseph from the beginning.”
I stared at her in surprise. So Joseph didn’t find me on his own? She called for him. Why would she do that after the horrible things I said to her? Gosh she was always surprising me. Like a mystery box. I never know what words or actions are going to come out of her. Something she said caught my attention.
“What do you mean that you know why?”
She looked down, her face became instantly red like she was so embarra*s*sed of something. She looked up at me guiltily.
“I was heading over to Joseph and Sara’s place for dinner that same day, I was about to knock when I heard them talking about you. I know it’s wrong to eavesdrop. But I was so mad at you after the way you spoke with me when I thought that we were finally okay. I wanted to know why you changed your att*itude with me. The elders are forcing you to marry in two months to extend your line. No wonder I was the last person you wanted to lay your eyes upon. You still look at me and see him… my father.”
Her eyes filled with tears at the last part, but she held them back.
I take one step towards her and she immediately takes one step back, her fear replacing her sadness.
My blood boils at her fear of me. Minutes ago, she was touching Jake without an ounce of fear. I never want to see that look on her face towards me, never again.
I hold up my hands, soften my look and my voice and walk slowly towards her, “Ella, please don’t ever flinch away from me in fear again. I would never hurt you. You have no idea what that does to me. It makes me feel like a monster.”
I was standing right in front of her now. Thankfully, she let me approach her without panicking.
She gulps and says in a low voice, “I’m sorry, it happens involuntarily. I… I know that you wouldn’t hurt me.”
It happens involuntarily when she’s with me, but I bet it doesn’t happen with Jake, I thought dryly.
She looks like she is struggling to say something, but is afraid of saying it. Probably afraid of my reaction.
“You can tell me, whatever it is. I don’t want you to hold back anything with me,” I said softly.
She stares at me with indecision for a few seconds, then takes a deep breath and blurts out “If you haven’t found a woman to marry yet, I want to do it.”
“Do what?” I ask in bewilderment. She’s not saying what I think she’s saying, right?
She hesitates before saying, “I know how hard it is for you to wrap your head around living with someone else. And how hard it is for another woman to accept that kind of life with you. You just want someone to carry your child, you don’t really want… a wife. I wanted you to know that I am willing to be that person.”
What she said shocked me so much, I couldn’t form any words for a few minutes.
She was willing to sacrifice her freedom to marry me and carry my child? Why the hell would she want to ruin her life with me? To spend her life with someone she doesn’t love and carry his child? To f0rce herself to have s*e*x with me when it is so hard for her to be touched like that after what those monsters put her through?
Finally, I managed to say, “Why would you do that for me?”
It took her a minute to answer, “Because I don’t want to keep living under the burden of what my father did to your family. This is the only way to finally redeem myself from being his daughter.”
“You have nothing to redeem yourself from. You had nothing to do with what he did, Ella. You’re feeling this burden because of me. Because I keep treating you badly. It is my fault, not yours. And I will be damned if I ruin your life like this. I can never do this to you, never f0rce you to be touched that way against your will again. This is out of the question. It is my burden to carry and mine alone. You hear me?”
“You don’t have any other option until now. I can tell you’re struggling with this, I want to help you, I really do. I’ll never have a mate because I don’t have a wolf, so this makes me the best choice. We both don’t want a relationship with anyone. And you and I will only have to do it a few times just until I become pregnant, after that we can both live our lives normally.”
She was really shocking me with her sacrifice. I know how impossibly hard it is for her to let me touch her intimately, and yet she is trusting me, she is willingly handing herself over to me. I will be the most selfish man if I accept her offer.
“I can’t do this to you Ella. I’ll never be able to bring myself to touch you when I know how much it really bothers you. I appreciate your sacrifice, I really do. But I want you to live your life the way that you want. Not having a mate is not the end for your love life. You can always find a man willing to love you unconditionally, to make you want him to touch you, to kiss you, and to hold you. That’s what you really deserve. A life with me will only make your life hell, and you just got out of it. You never need to go back to that ever again. Besides, we can’t get married, you’re still underage.”
She bites her lip and averts her gaze from me. Then, she stares at me and says in determination. “Ok, I just want to let you know that you can come to me if you run out of time, or change your mind. And just so you know, a life with you can never be compared to my old life. If we live together we won’t make each other’s lives miserable like you think. I trust you, and truly believe that you would never cause me pain or hurt me. As for finding a man that I would truly love…. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let someone get that close. Also, I am not underage anymore, I turned eighteen today.”
Honestly, she was the perfect choice. She knows that I don’t want an intimate life. She knows I would never be really close to her. But by getting married to her, I’d be sentencing her to a lifetime with me, deprived of a real shot at being happy with someone worthy of her love. I couldn’t do that to her.
“I will leave you to get ready for the ceremony. Thank you for thinking about me, when I’ve done nothing to deserve such kindness from you. I don’t deserve your sacrifice for me Ella.”
She says nothing, just keeps staring at me softly with her big brown innocent eyes.
I turn away and head for the door, but before I touch the handle, I turn back to her and tell her gently, “Happy Birthday Ella.”