Sold as the Alpha King’s Breeder by Alice Knightsky
Chapter 69 Accepting Her Death
“Alpha Ethan, great news! General Owen was able to hold the line of defense and retake one city along the coast!
My eyes widened slightly. That was, indeed, good news. “Does Talon know?”
“Not yet-I was about to go find him next.”
“I’ll do that. I need to ask him something, anyway.”
I stretched and stood up from my desk. It was still early- I didn’t mind walking a little bit. As I neared Talon’s room, I noticed the door was ajar, and I heard his voice, along with Vicky’s. I’d never eavesdropped on my pack, but when I heard my name, I paused.
“…I know. He barely eats, he rarely sleeps any more,” Talon said.
“If Ethan knew about it, no matter how upset he is, maybe he could start to heal,” Vicky was saying. Knew about what? What were they talking about?
“I don’t know, Vicky,” Talon said. “I couldn’t imagine how I would feel if it was me. You know that.” She sighed. “I just… want to help him.”
What the h*ll were they talking about?!
The only thing- the only one they were not supposed to mention in front of me was… “Well, all we can do is be here for him and try to make the rest of his life easier.”
I started to walk again, but then I realized Vicky was crying, so I stopped again. “I miss her so much,” she said between sobs.
“I know you do,” Talon said, and I could imagine him patting her back, trying to soothe her. “I do, too.”
“Rosalie was the sweetest, kindest person I’ve ever met in my whole life. It’s just not fair that she’s gone and that horrible Madalynn is still here.”
“We can’t question why these things happen, Vicky,” Talon said, in his logical tone.
“Why not?” his sister demanded. “Why can’t we question it? It s*ucks! I just wish… I wish…”
“I know,” he sighed. I a*s*sumed Vicky was going to say she wished she could see Rosalie one more time. Because I wished I could see her one more time.
More than anything in the world.
But It had been so long since she’d disappeared over the edge of the cliffs, and still, nothing had surfaced. I was just about to reveal that I was standing there when Vicky said something that made my blood run cold. “If only we had said something to him- or if she had never overheard his plans,” Vicky said. “Vicky, we’ve talked about this,” Talon said. “It’s too late now. Just let it go.”
“But don’t you feel responsible?” she asked. “If we had told Ethan that she knew-”
I braced myself against the wall, my head spinning, not wanting to let myself go to the place where my mind was slipping away to.
I refocused in time to hear Talon say, “I tried. He didn’t listen. I thought we had time to change his mind about that plan…”
Change my mind? A plan…?
Then it struck me. My plan! After everything that had happened, I barely even thought about it.
The plan that she would be put to death… by me.
My eyes widened. Had she known about it?!
Deciding I had heard enough, I entered the room. I was no longer capable of pretending like I hadn’t overhead them. I walked in with my teeth gritted together, my eyes seeing red.
Vicky gasped, and both of their faces blanched.
“Alpha,” Talon said. “We didn’t know- can we get you anything?”
“How did she know?” I spat each word out like a curse, slamming my hands down on the desk across from where they were sitting, my fingernails biting into the wood like tacks shot out of a nail gun.
Talon held his hands out in front of him, defensively, and Vicky immediately teared up, which didn’t surprise me in the least.
“Alpha, please, let us explain. We had no idea you were standing-”
“How the f*ck did she know?” I demanded, shaking the desk. “I sure the f*ck didn’t tell her, which means that one of you did!”
Vicky began to sob, and Talon stood up- a sign that he was actually challenging me to a degree.
“Yes, you did,” Talon said, his voice still calm, even if he was not being submissive.
“What the h*ll are you talking about?” I asked, standing up to my full height and looking down at him. Talon took a deep breath. “She overheard us talking about it that night, in your room-”
“No.” I began shaking my head as he began to nod his. “That’s not possible. Rosalie was asleep.”
“It is possible,” Talon’s expression was sad. “It is possible, and it happened. She overheard our plans to kill her as soon as the baby was born, Ethan.” His voice softened. “She knew what was going to happen to her.”
“No,” I said again, pursing my lips together to tamp down my emotions. My whole body was shaking. “You’re mistaken, Talon.”
“I’m very sorry that you had to find out this way, Ethan. We wanted to tell you. We were just waiting for the right time.” Talon looked remorseful.
I had no choice but to accept that what he was saying was true.
Rosalie had known that I was going to kill her as soon as the baby was born- so she had killed herself first.
I still didn’t understand. Turning away from him, I ran a hand through my hair.
“But why?” I asked in a whisper. It still didn’t make any sense.
“Alpha, in the letter, she told us that she wanted to choose her own path.” Vicky’s voice was quaking. “You still have yours… don’t you?”
I turned and looked at her over my shoulder. Of course, I still had it. I’d been carrying it around in my pocket since that day.
I hadn’t opened it because reading Rosalie’s words would make it real- and I preferred to live in a world where there was still a chance that she was out there somewhere.
But if I read her letter, and she told me what she was going to do, and why she was going to do it… then I would know for sure.
“Maybe she didn’t think that Madalynn would make a very good mother,” Vicky said, staring at the floor.
“Enough!” I interrupted her, my voice hot with anger.
I knew that she was right, but I didn’t want to hear it- despite the fact that I had asked the question. “Get out,” I said.
Talon sighed, wrapping his arm around his sister and pulling her out without another word.
I pulled the envelope out of my jacket pocket, staring at Rosalie’s familiar handwriting.
Sitting on the edge of my desk, I traced her writing with my finger… refusing to acknowledge the tears that threatened to fall.
I couldn’t breathe.
What had I done to my Rosalie?
All this time, I tried to trick myself into thinking she might come back, that she would never do that to our child… that, maybe, she had just left. She was still out there, and maybe, one day, she would be back.
But now I knew I was lying to myself. She didn’t just leave.
She was scared of me- she probably hated me- so much that she’d rather die by her own hand than be touched by me!
So much that she’d rather end her own life than be with a hideous monster!
And I deserved it.
I covered my forehead with my palms… What had I done?!
Images of her beautiful face flickered before my eyes. I saw her smile, heard her laughter, and imagined her touch on my skin.
How could I accept the reality that she was never coming back?
“Alpha!”
Samuel, who had been tasked to search for Rosalie, burst into the room. It seemed that he had been looking for me- I had disconnected myself from the mindlink.
“What’s wrong?” I felt my heart tighten in my chest again. Samuel had been the one leading the search for Rosalie since he had been her head guard.
However, Samuel couldn’t bring himself to speak.
He presented an elegant wooden box carved with roses. His hands were shaking, and the look on his face could not be more mournful.
My heart stopped beating.
He didn’t need to say anything for me to know. They found her- or rather, her remains. “Wh-what is it?” I asked, looking at the box.
Samuel just shook his head, as if to say he didn’t want to put it into words.
“Give it to me,” I demanded.
He shook his head again.
“Give it to me!” I shouted so loudly, the room shook.
His eyes bulged, and he handed over the box, but he didn’t leave.
My hands were shaking, but I didn’t want him to see that. So, I turned around and managed to slide off the lid just enough to see what was inside.
Gray shards- long and jagged, discolored; rust-colored in places. I didn’t have to stare long to know what I was looking at.
Bones.
My breath caught in my throat, and I needed a moment to figure out how to swallow without choking.
I had to lean on the wall to keep my balance.
I needed a moment to remember how to breathe… just a moment…
“Alpha?”
Samuel’s voice was a whisper.
I turned back around, not sure what to do with- with what he’d brought me. I didn’t want to give it back to him. It was piece of her. How could I let it go?
“Thank you, Samuel,” I said.
He wasn’t moving though, and I understood that he was just as concerned about me as everyone else. “Go, Samuel,” I told him, and he could not disobey me.
I had been asking for proof, and now I had it. More than one piece.
Now that I had it, I didn’t want it.
It had been much easier to continue to exist when I thought there was a possibility that Rosalie and our baby were still alive out there.
I wished I could beg the Moon Goddess to show mercy and make it so that tonight never happened. Even my wolf hid himself from me.
My heart felt so tight that it was as if I was being stabbed over and over. It was so painful that I couldn’t bear it.
As if the Moon Goddess had heard my thoughts, the skies opened up, even without a cloud in the sky, and rain began to pour against the windowpane.
If I was standing outside, perhaps it would’ve cleansed my soul and washed away all of the memories, all of the angst, all of the anger I had pint up inside of me.
But how could I allow myself to let go?
I was the cause of her pain and suffering- and I didn’t even see it.
I’d rather be locked away inside of the castle where the rain couldn’t reach me, and I’d rather continue to keep my emotions inside of me.
I’d rather continue to be haunted by that beautiful face everywhere I looked, even though she would sneer away from me. I’d rather carve this pain into my bones than forget about her.
Because I deserved it. For what I did to her, I was the bastard who deserved to be lonely, to be punished with pain, forever.
My hand reached toward the sidebar, where a bottle of whiskey was waiting.
I needed something to help me tonight. Just for this one night. I told myself, because I needed something to help me survive tonight…