Chapter 73
As soon as I left my home, I immediately went straight to a place where I knew this person would be. Someplace where it was obvious for me that I wasn’t supposed to be there.
However, I didn’t hesitate anymore as I had boldly walked on to knock on this person’s door.
When this person, Bash, answered the door, I quickly ignored his confusion as I demanded the one thing that I knew could make me feel better. If it felt as nearly good as the first time, it might be enough to make me forget about everything around me that fell into pieces even for a while.
“Kiss me,” I repeated to him.
This time, Bash’s eyes widened. It seemed that the boy was stunned with what I had asked him for. But he stayed still. I could see that he still wore the same attire that he wore before. The formal clothes he was wearing really made his body become even more fitted. I sighed quietly, albeit impatiently, while the boy tried his best to understand what was actually going on.
“Winona-”
However, I didn’t want to wait for him to finish what he wanted to say. Words weren’t what I wanted right now. What I wanted right now was Bash. After that, I walked toward him as I pulled him by his collar until his face was very close to my own face.
“Bash, please,” I whispered at him as I gradually looked him up
from his lips to his eyes.
By now, that boy was so close that there was a shiver of anticipation that ran through my whole body. I truly needed this., I truly needed him. From his eyes, I also knew that he wanted me too. The tension that came between us was so strong that it felt very real.
As the cold night breeze swept us around, it only made the warmth that came from Bash even more inducing. I slowly let my hand that grabbed him by his collar slip along to his chest in order to feel him under my touch until my hand then went up to rest on his broad shoulder. I really wanted him to get closer because his body felt very far away.
When I saw that boy finally leaned closer to me as well as placed his hand on the side of my head, my heart became slightly excited. After that, he then let his thumb rest against my cheek softly. Instinctively, I closed my eyes as I moved closer to him as I prepared myself for what would happen next. Instead of meeting my lips with mine, I could feel him moving away from me. Somehow, Bash just kissed my cheek.
“No,” he quietly told me.
“Not like this.”
Soon enough, I opened my eyes as I saw him directly.
“No, no, come on. I really need this,” I told him as I grabbed onto him even more tightly.
“Come on, Bash … I really want to have you.”
However, Bash just closed his eyes. The boy looked very
pained. It was almost as if he had an internal battle within
himself.
“Winona-”
“No, you told me that you craved for me,” I told him firmly as my voice turned into a more frantic one.
“Why are you doing this right now?”
“Because I frankly have no idea if it’s me that you actually want right now or this is just you trying to get an outlet to let your grief go.”
Soon enough, I could feel my cheeks start to turn red in shame. Not only that, my eyes were also tearing up. I quickly put my hands to my side as if he had just stung me. Indeed, his stinging words of rejection truly embarrassed and hurt me. It also made me pissed. I was pissed that everyone was choosing to disappoint me today out of all days.
“Don’t try to preach to me such bullshit! I’m enough of having to hear people say that to me today. I’m fucking fine! This isn’t about Ava.”
“Winona,” he sternly called my name.
“You can’t even stand to see me today, but you somehow get your ass on my doorstep while begging for me. Well, I’m sorry if I’m a bit skeptical about your sincerity here.”
“Why do you even care about it? After all, this is what you wanted, right? Didn’t you actually just want to sleep with me?” Largued with him.
“Well, I’m here for you, Bash!”
After I said that, I tried to grab his hands. However, Bash then
moved away to make a small gap between both of us. Seeing that he moved to get away from me made me couldn’t help but flinch.
“I told you that I craved for you, Winona. You, as a whole. Not … whoever the hell this is right now. Frankly, I think that you, maybe, deep down, do actually want me too. However, how you act right now only tells me that you’re in too much pain to make a clear judgment of it.”
What he said really made me grit my teeth.
“There’s nothing wrong with me, Bash,” I whispered to him angrily.
“Well, the fact that you can’t even see what’s wrong with you is part of the problem here.”
After that, the man then sighed as he tried to calm himself down again.
“Look,” he started to speak again.
“Let me promise you that I’ll be there for you. Even if only as your friend. However, I have more self-respect than to keep it quiet as you let yourself use me just because I have a crush on you. After all, I do want you. Frankly, I want nothing more than for you to tell me that I’ve actually made a mistake for all of this. From what I can see, the problem is that you need help. I’m happy to help you, but not like this. I won’t help you if it’s only temporary to help you to deal with what happened.”
I kept quiet. Even though I wanted to speak and tell how wrong he was, I couldn’t find the right words.
“Winona?” he asked me pressingly.
“Tell me that I’ve made a mistake and it’s me that you actually crave for. Or tell me that you want my help, then I’ll help you.”
As I tried to think, I could feel my heart beating fast. However, I eventually shook my head. This wasn’t the kind of decision that came on spot like what I had thought to deal with when I came here. It seemed to me that I wasn’t ready for that sort of pressure right now.
“That’s what I think too,” he quietly muttered.
I
“I can’t deal with this right now. I… I must go somewhere.”
Soon enough, I stepped away from him. However, Bash then called me out. His facial expression changed into worry. In fact, I could even feel that he would chase after me. So, I just hold up a hand to warn him to stay away from me.
“Winona, wait, where are you going?”
Instead of replying to him, I just turned my body around as I walked off into the night away from him. At this point, staying here any longer was useless. After all, I was already humiliated and confused enough.
“Winona, just promise me that you’re going back home, okay?”
But I didn’t stop. I continued to walk. Again, I continued to walk without really knowing where I would go. After a few minutes passed, I could no longer help it. I was unable to hold it in. Eventually, I screamed out of my lungs to the sky. After all, my frustration finally managed to overwhelm me.
Benjamin, my father, and Bash … everyone that I really hoped would act one way had ended up doing the exact opposite
when I needed them the most. I really needed Benjamin to believe me by taking my side. I also needed my father to push to get Isabella arrested or at least put her in confinement until it was safe in order to get more evidence. Not only that, I also needed Bash … I truly needed… I quickly put the thought aside from my mind.
No, all of this was caused by Isabella.
Everything was fine before that girl showed up. Then, Ava would still be alive. I also wouldn’t even fight with Benjamin and my father if Isabella never appeared. Without her showing up, I wouldn’t have to feel so fucked up inside as well.
Everything around me started to break apart. The signs of the past began repeating themselves. However, I then realize that I might be able to do it myself if both Benjamin and my father were unwilling to do what had to be done.
Fuck it!
