Chapter 61
I dropped my utensils, the food caught in my throat, and I gasped for air.
“No way! I didn’t have any feelings for Bash,” I exclaimed, still coughing. I took a gulp of water to ease my throat. “You’re the one who had feelings for Bash, remember? And let’s be real, Bash doesn’t have any feelings for me either… unless you’re talking about the kind of feelings that lead him to explore under a girl’s skirt for a day.”
“Nonsense, Winona!”
I looked up, startled by Ava’s blazing eyes. It was the first time I had ever heard her use such strong language or seen her so furious. I was completely caught off guard.
“Ava…?” I called out, curiosity lacing my voice.
She paused, shutting her eyes briefly as if gathering her thoughts. “Apologies, but sometimes it seems your influence has seeped into me a tad too much.”
A small grin tugged at my lips. Witnessing Ava assert herself with such confidence was refreshing, even if her passion was misguided in this particular instance.
“Listen, I didn’t harbor any romantic feelings for Bash,” she emphasized, her tone resolute. “You must understand that our lives diverge, Winona. I’m far from extraordinary. No prestigious status, no renowned lineage, and no enchanting signs or prophecies dictating my future mate… I’m merely an
average member of our pack, striving to make a meaningful contribution wherever possible.”
“Ava-,” I started to interject, wanting to express my
understanding, but she continued before I could find the right
words.
I was ready to argue with her, disagreeing about her belief of not being anyone special. However, she silenced me by raising her hand, signaling that she wanted to finish her thoughts.
“I wasn’t anyone special, Winona,” she insisted. “If things had gone on without any interference, I would have probably lived my entire life without ever crossing paths with a high-ranking individual. I would have grown up, married an ordinary person just like myself, had a few children, and eventually passed away. But then, one day in the school library, I noticed you. It was the same routine as every other day, but you seemed different on that particular day. You stood up to Braydon, which was completely unlike your reputation back then… but there was something more. Honestly, when I saw you that day, you appeared almost… sad. Against my better judgment, I approached you and spoke to you for the first time.”
Hearing her describe herself in such a way was difficult, especially because I deeply cared for her. However, I refrained from interrupting her. It seemed like something she had carried within her for a long time, and she needed to express it.
“To be honest, when we had that conversation in the library that day, it was the most nerve-wracking experience of my life. It felt like a whirlwind when you, the only child of the Beta, and Bash, the heir to the alphas, came to my rescue.
Suddenly, I found myself in a whole new world where not only were two incredibly important people talking to me, but they wanted to be my friend! I couldn’t comprehend why. I mean, why me?”
Eventually, she looked up at me, and I could see her eyes had turned watery. It pained me to see her like that. She didn’t grasp how essential she was to me, how much I relied on her all these years. It was because of her that I began to trust others again.
“So, Winona,” she spoke up, “I don’t have feelings for Bash in the way you might think. My feelings aren’t any stronger than those of the other non-ranked girls in our pack or any other pack, for that matter. When an Alpha heir talks to me and shows kindness, you think I’m in love with him? Damn right, I am! I’d probably react the same way if it were Benjamin. You’re all like damn celebrities in our eyes! But I understand my place, and it’s not by the side of an Alpha. I’m not destined to be a Luna or the mate of any ranked member.””
I couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt for broaching the topic at that moment, unwittingly showing off something that I hadn’t fully recognized before. It was so easy for me to overlook my privilege, considering the two remarkable lives had led, surrounded by influential individuals. Yet, I hadn’t done anything to earn it. Deep down, I knew someone like Ava would be far more deserving of a prominent position in Luna, given her innate ability to empathize with others and provide support. She genuinely cared about everyone, regardless of their status.
“Ava, you’re mistaken,” I expressed sadly, a tinge of regret in my voice. “You have no idea how significant you truly are.”
She shook her head, but a faint smile graced her lips. “Bash is genuinely a good person at heart,” she redirected the conversation, attempting to shift the focus away from herself. “But I believe you already know that. I also observed how you used to gaze at him, how you behaved around him, and I understand that you don’t have the same excuse as I do for your actions. So, I think we both realize that he isn’t the core issue here. No, I believe your true conflict lies within yourself, Winona… not with Bash.”
I furrowed my brow, a hint of frustration creeping into my expression. “No… but remember, I did mention it to you. He was with that enchanting girl, Zoey, the other night. And oh, Ava, it’s far more intricate than that. My intricate position only adds to the complexity.!”
“…But did you witness them truly departing together? Or perhaps engaging in a heartfelt kiss?”
No… I hadn’t. Technically speaking, I hadn’t witnessed anything beyond their warm embrace and Zoey planting a tender peck on his cheek. Technically, those actions could be perceived as ordinary between two individuals who share a deep bond.
“I’m not naive,” she sighed, resting her head on her hand, gracefully propped up on the table. “I understand that there’s much about your life you’ve never disclosed to me, and that’s perfectly alright. I’ve never wanted to pry into your private affairs, and I’ve always cherished the time we’ve spent together. However, over these past few years, I’ve come to realize one thing: whatever secrets you’ve kept hidden, they’ve caused you immense pain. So much so that you’ve rejected the notion of embracing your destined role as Luna, of becoming Benjamin’s partner, or even allowing yourself to
get close to someone. And it’s simply not healthy.”
“That’s absolutely false! Ava, we’re practically inseparable,” I vehemently disputed.
“Perhaps more so than others? Indeed, I can acknowledge that. However, even I, dear Ava, possess limited knowledge about your innermost self, Winona. We haven’t delved into the depths of our souls. It appears to me that your aversion to being with Bash and the profound sorrow you experienced in the library that day are interconnected. They stem from the very pain you strive so arduously to conceal.”
A wave of nausea engulfed me. Never in my wildest dreams had I anticipated our conversation to take such a twist. I had skillfully concealed that facet of my being, assuming Ava was oblivious to it, but all this while, it turns out she believed she wasn’t deserving enough to be entrusted with that knowledge.
If that were indeed the case, then had Ava believed all these years that I lacked trust in her? Could it be that I played a role in shaping her perception of herself as someone of low worth? Contemplating on the matter, I pondered whether being open and honest with her right from the start would have made her realize her true importance. Perhaps there was no genuine reason for her to feel so distanced from me.
Finally, after a considerable amount of time, I mustered the courage to speak up. “I deeply apologize for allowing it to reach this point,” I admitted, my voice trembling slightly as I fought against being overwhelmed by my own emotions. “I should have revealed the truth to you much earlier.”
She responded with a faint smile. “I didn’t share all of this to
manipulate you into confessing. I just wanted to offer you my perspective on the situation. I know you care about me, even if you’ve had to keep certain things hidden.”
“No, I understand what you’re saying… but you don’t fully grasp the situation, and that’s entirely my fault,” I said, rising from my seat and rummaging through my wallet to find some money to leave on the café table. “You need to hear things from my point of view and understand why I’ve kept silent. However, this isn’t the right place… there are far too many people around.”
Perhaps then, she would cease the relentless self-criticism induced by my mere presence. Extending my hand, I offered it to her, and she grasped it, her expression painted with a tinge of melancholy. Side by side, we ventured into the open air, strolling along the bustling street towards the spot where my car patiently awaited.
It had become imperative for me to disclose the truth. The time had come. Ava had been the sole pillar of support in my tumultuous existence, yet I had failed to reciprocate the same unwavering loyalty to her. How long had she endured
suffering on account of my actions? Lost in the confines of my self-absorption, I had unknowingly inflicted harm upon someone I held dear.
However, what would be her reaction once I revealed everything?
Tknew I needn’t fret over whether she would believe me, but
rather how she would respond.
Would she succumb to the fear of Benjamin, just as I once did?
Would she finally comprehend that a future with Bash would
only lead to further despair?
