Chapter 100
Her hospital stunt must have been a bluff to scare me off that day. She never even tried to chase me after I had attacked her. So for some reason, whatever it may be, she needed me. Breathing. At least for now.
Based on that, I could guess that maybe I trigger something in the future for her. Something I could only assume had something to do with the end of werewolves per Selene’s warning. But I couldn’t recall anything special I’d done in the past. Perhaps it was related to the wars Benjamin waged in which I’d acted as a complacent enabler in? I’d only been killed after we’d succeeded in that venture. Was that the missing link? Did we kill someone during that time that we weren’t supposed to?
None of this sat right with me but it did give me a small peace of mind. I knew now that Isabella wouldn’t come for me directly. Not for a while anyway. My death was after I’d gained influence as a Luna so as long as I kept Benjamin under control, we would probably be okay in the meantime.
‘Under control’.
When had I ever been able to stop Benjamin from doing what he wanted in the past? Even in this life, he showed a lot of determination in doing whatever he believed was the right thing to do. And whilst things had become rocky between us the last few months since the collar, he was still actively seeking me out and trying to give me company.
And I didn’t resent him, even though I assumed he believed
that was the case. How could I possibly hate *this* Benjamin after everything he’d tried to do for me the last few years? He chose me over Leo when we were trying to free Bash, keeping it a secret to save me. He helped train and support me with all my Beta heir endeavours, even when it conflicted with the pack’s future interests. And, of course, he literally took a knife to the gut in order to save me once. No, I didn’t hate him. I hated the system that I was at the mercy of which led me here. And I knew even talking to him in the way I had been lately was unfair to him; that taking my frustration out on him was uncalled for.
…But I’d be lying if I said his uncertain future didn’t scare me a little. This new version of Benjamin was a bigger wild card than almost everything else I’d encountered since coming back. Sure, we were friends now, but what if he turned out the same once he became Alpha again? If I truly allowed myself to trust in him wholeheartedly… would I regret that decision one day?
For now, at least, it was in my best interest to believe he was changed for good, that this was a long term shift for the better. Not only because of Isabella, but because if he truly did end up becoming that same monster, did that then mean that none of us were capable of truly changing during this second life?
…That I, too, would be fated once more to become that girl slowly emerging in my reflection?
I pushed all thoughts of Isabella and Benjamin from my mind and willed myself to concentrate on the present; though now with a new spark of motivation for the first time since arriving.
Tomorrow, I would be leaving my room for the first time in
months to face the public’s scrutiny.
…Tomorrow, I’d be put on show for all to see.
A loud knocking sounded at my door the following morning, instantly waking me up.
It was dark, maybe dim morning light, but definitely earlier than I had expected to be disturbed that day. It was so early that I knew even Lily wouldn’t have arrived yet.
Despite my best efforts, my brain had refused to quieten down after I’d gone to sleep the night before. Figuring out a possible theory to do with Isabella had awakened a new spark within me, one which had prevented me from settling my mind down. As a result, I felt exhausted from the little rest I had managed to get.
I pulled myself out of bed sluggishly and made my way to the door, opening it to see a dishevelled looking Benjamin on my doorstep. It appeared that early mornings still disagreed with him even after all this time.
“…Benjamin? Why are you here so early?” I yawned, too tired to conduct the required formalities.
“So you just open the door for anyone without checking first?” he asked, ignoring my question. “What if I were someone here to kill you? I get that we’re in the packhouse but it’s not like we haven’t had spies here before.”
I stared back at him completely unfazed, my eyelids heavy. “If it meant that I didn’t need to be awake right now or go to this meeting, maybe I would welcome the hostile intrusion,” I replied. “Besides, what kind of murderer knocks on the door to announce their presence first? Not very subtle.”
He stood frozen for a few seconds, confusion showing on his face momentarily, before finally, his lip twitched in a small smile. What was he confused about?
Oh. It was the first attempt at humour I’d made to him in months.
Maybe I had been letting this place affect me too much. I could definitely feel that having something different finally happening today did help to dissociate myself from the less pleasant memories in this room. It made me more… aware.
“Come inside and wait,” I offered, opening the door wider for him to enter. “I need to get changed and grab the last of my things.”
“Don’t take too long. We need to get going.”
I frowned. He’d shown up almost two hours earlier than he needed to. Why was he in such a rush?
After getting changed and attempting to cover up the unpleasant new features of my face with makeup, I grabbed my bag and took one last look in the mirror.
Once dressed up and nicely presented, it was easy to miss the signs of my own inner struggles the last few months. That is, of course, if you were also blind and completely ignored the collar sported around my neck.
I sighed. There was no getting out of this now.
Refocusing on the task at hand, I headed back to where Benjamin was waiting for me.
Surprisingly, in the time it took for me to get ready, he had
somehow managed to tame his wavy hair a bit better and looked more presentable for the meeting ahead.
“Ready to go,” I announced, walking towards the front door.
