Chapter 38
Despite my resolve, it still took another two months before I finally worked up the courage to begin the difficult journey of becoming Beta.
The rest of Ava’s charity event had gone well that day and I didn’t see Benjamin for the remainder of the fundraiser, which was perfectly fine by me. I could tell Ava was a bit worried about me though and I had to palm it off as no big deal. I didn’t want to worry her. It was her first time seeing me so scared by anything and I could only imagine what might have been going through her mind.
In the two months that had passed, I somehow had reached my fifteenth birthday. I requested that it be kept a quiet affair and so we ended up celebrating it with just my parents and Ava. There were minimal gifts, also per my request, and we all sat and had a nice dinner at my house. Really, I was just happy to be amongst all the people who genuinely cared about me. I’ d spent too many birthdays in the past being almost completely alone and forgotten.
And so finally, today, I stood at the door of my father’s office, peering in nervously. He was concentrating on reports in front of him and I was scared of disturbing him.
From here, I could see his silver hair and violet eyes, and I thought about how similar we really did look. If it weren’t for me having mostly my mother’s face shape, I would have looked like a cut and pasted female version of him.
“I can feel you staring at me from here,” he called out without
I jumped at the sound of his voice, having not expected him to know I was here.
He looked up and finally met my eyes. “What can I help you with, Winona?”
I stepped inside the door cautiously, clearing my throat.
“I need to talk to you, Father. Do you have a moment?” I could hear the slight quaver in my voice as I spoke.
I needed to get a hold of myself though. I wouldn’t be able to convince him I was suitable for this if I didn’t sound like ! believed it myself. But it was a bit strange how nervous I was. Exploiting a foreign government for money? No issues. Asking my father to hear me out while I explained why I wanted to be a Beta? Terrifying. His opinion mattered to me and I didn’t want his perception of me to change because of
this.
It didn’t help that I was also having to constantly remind myself that this version of my father was different from the one I had been with before my death. He was almost ten years younger than the father who had cried with me inside the jail cells. At this point in our lives right now, our relationship was very formal. I remembered how scared I’d been of ever disappointing or annoying him… a feeling that didn’t change up until he had himself arrested for defending my honour.
He looked at me closely, a curiosity in his eyes. “Sure, take a seat on the couch.”
I followed his instruction and he walked over to join me.
Sitting like this together, casually on the settee, I honestly couldn’t tell if it made me feel comfortable or even more nervous. Perhaps if I could have treated this as a business negotiation and sat across from him at a desk, then I wouldn’t have been so afraid.
“You haven’t come to my office like this since you were little,” he mused. “Did you want some coffee?”
I shook my head, knowing I wouldn’t be able to drink at a time like this.
I couldn’t even recall the last time I had dared to disturb his work but I knew I’d procrastinated this conversation long enough. Time was running out if I wanted to be given a chance to earn my spot as Beta heir.
I also knew that I would need help in training if I had any hope of improving my skill in a fight. I’d reached a plateau and hadn’t seen any real difference in my strength for over a month now. I realised the only way I was going to get better from here would be to have someone show me how to improve and, with Bash gone, it meant there really was only one person in my life that could help. My father.
I watched as he poured himself a coffee and settled back into the couch.
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
I hesitated, unsure where to start. I’d practised what I had wanted to say in the mirror almost every day but, now it was actually happening, it was like my mind had gone blank.
“Um,” I started.
‘Brilliant, Winona. So intelligent, I scolded myself internally.
Quickly, I pushed my thoughts away, trying to refocus.
“…I’ve been thinking a lot about the future,” I said. “We haven’t really had a conversation about it since the night after the Alpha’s summons, back when Ava was attacked.”
He raised an eyebrow at me. “Did you want to finally discuss why you told the Alpha you didn’t want to become Luna? Why you kept your mother and I in the dark about your
intentions?”
I paused. It sounded like he was still irritated about the whole thing. I could recall the argument we got into vividly and remembered how they had been so furious at my decision. It had scared me off enough to start keeping more secrets from
them.
“It wasn’t my intention to hide it from you,” I said. “I hadn’t planned to tell the Alpha anything of the sort, but this mark on me changed everything. I needed to establish that I wasn’t a threat to Leo or Benjamin.”
I then took a deep breath. “But, Father…I need you to know that, from the bottom of my heart… I really don’t want to be Luna. What I said to them that day was the truth. I really am sorry I kept it from you and Mother.”
I almost said ‘don’t want to be Luna “again”‘ but managed to stop myself right before I spoke. What a disaster that would have been.
“…Why?” he finally asked, after he’d taken some time to think.
“…I don’t have any desire for the position.”
He frowned. “I doubt you would have come all the way in here to tell me this without a reason. There is obviously something else you wanted.”
I bit.my lip, my nerves threatening to take over.
“The truth is… I’d like to take over for you one day… and become Beta,” I said slowly.
To his credit, he didn’t outwardly refuse me immediately. Instead, he just nodded his head, placing his cup back on the table, and reclined into the couch in thought. I was too scared to say anything in case it just made his rejection quicker.
After some time, he looked over to me and stared down at my hands, narrowing his eyes.
“So, for how long now?” he asked.
I didn’t know what he was referring to. “How long…?” I repeated.
“Your hands,” he said, nodding towards them. “I’ve just realised how calloused they look. How long have you been training in secret?”
It was a question that would have been answered eventually, but nevertheless, I wished it had been something he found out about only if he had agreed to support me.
I tightened my hands into fists on my lap, staring at them. “Maybe… eight months now? Nine? I started not long after the Alpha summons.”
He was silent again. I wished he would just talk plainly to me instead of making me guess whatever he was thinking inside.
